Lal Kiley ka tender

The Mandi House area in the Lutyen’s Delhi is particularly busy on weekends. The miniscule minority, which identifies itself as theatre lovers, descends on the three public auditoriums to get their fill of art and culture. On rare occasions one might get to watch an engaging, high quality production. On other occasions one has to make do with either Taj Mahal ka tender or Gadhey ki barat. Taj Mahal ka tender, a satire, is what came to my mind when opinions and comments on Red Fort started pouring in on my social media timelines. The Dalmia Bharat Group has adopted the Red Fort under the government’s Adopt a Heritage initiative, which requires spending on public infrastructure and no profit making. The adoption was widely covered in the media, sometimes with misleading headlines like, “are Marwaris taking over our national heritage?”

I can really do with some upkeep

As expected, the rent an outrage section of “intellectuals” started twisting the story. They were “appalled” and “heartbroken” because the Red Fort has been “auctioned”.  Even the wannabe comedy rag ScoopWhoop compiled all the outrage in an image heavy post, full of lies. At this point AltNews should have picked up the fake stories on Red Fort auction and set the record straight. Oh! But wait, AltNews is only interested in what the liberals consider to be fake. Since the liberals themselves were howling to “save” the Red Fort, AltNews perhaps gave this fake story a miss.

So what is the story behind the so called auction of Red Fort? The government in 2017 decided to do something about the abysmal standards of public services provided at our national monuments. Lack of proper signage, toilets, clean drinking water, sitting spaces, etc. steal the joy of visiting our heritage. In an attempt to improve the facilities, which the government obviously failed to deliver on its own, the Ministry of Tourism decided to invite private participation.

The Ministry’s demands were assessed by a Standing Committee of the Parliament. The committee was headed by none other than Shri Derek O’ Brien, Member of Parliament, Trinamool Congress. Others prominent members in the committee (31 members) were former aviation minister Praful Patel, former minister for Social Justice and Empowerment, Shailja Kumar, former CPM member Ritabrata Banerjee and former RJD MP Pappu Yadav.

The Committee after deliberations made its recommendations on March 1, 2018. The report can be read here. Paragraph 112 on page 48, of the report says, “The Committee notes that the initiative of Adopt a Heritage is a welcome step on the part of the Ministry of Tourism.” The parties, whose members signed on the report are now spreading fake news, telling people how the government is selling off national monuments. Foremost being Shri O’ Brien himself.

The fact is that there is no sell off of any monument. The guidelines of the Adopt a Heritage scheme can be read here. The prime focus of the scheme is to rope in a private agency, which according to the report can be an NGO, individual or a company, to build, operate and maintain public facilities. The organisation will not be involved in any restoration work of the monument, neither will it “own” the monument.

All the outrage among the liberals, as usual, is not motivated by facts but by feelings. And facts don’t matter when their agenda is only to criticise the government. As long as they can create hysteria by peddling their lies, it serves their agenda. Then there is the gullible janta, which eats out of their hands and exponentially spreads their lies, without any fact check.

Wendy Doniger: Psychoanalysis of ISRO

Retro is the new black. PC: Google

I have written a lot on Hindus and exposed them as probably the most violent cult in the world. Currently I am working on my new book, How Hitler was inspired by Ramayana, and it will make its debut in fall 2017. I would like to use this article to seek your inputs on other topics on Hinduism you would like me to write on. My assistants take a long time to read and translate the Sanskrit texts and it will help me a great deal if you can send your ideas in. But I am not writing to you about my next book or complaining about my lazy assistants. I want to talk about the new Hindu mind set.

This year has been particularly disturbing for the liberal minded Indians. India’s space agency has sent too many satellites into space. Now we all know how a satellite launch causes millions of tonnes of carbon emission in both earth’s atmosphere and in the outer space. It is harmful to both life on earth and that in the outer space. Also the act of moving the satellite to its launch site causes a lot of noise pollution, which aggravates the harmful impact of carbon emission. The take-off is so deafening that it can almost kill many small animals in the vicinity. We all know these facts, but I am digressing by reiterating them.

The most harmful impact of ISRO’s launch programme is on the Indian society. Every single launch by ISRO propagates patriarchy and Hindu beliefs. Are you surprised? Read on to know how. It is so blatantly evident that it is almost hidden in plain sight. One doesn’t have to be a Robert Langdon to see this. The first thing that comes to mind it the shape of the launch vehicle. It is conveniently shaped like a phallus to assert male dominance over the Indian society. Since phallus worship is an ancient ritual in the Hindu cult, it gives legitimacy to the cult and propagates its patriarchal mind set. A good question for the so called space scientists of ISRO would be, “Why can’t you design a launch vehicle that is less aggressive”? Perhaps in the shape of a puppy or a kitten. The phallus shaped launch vehicle is clearly an attempt to silence the Indian feminists and appease the Indian men.

See the Phallus and the outstretched arms

Coming to the propagation of Hindu cult beliefs. I would like to point to the contraption that is used to keep the phallus erect during its performance. The agency again, very conveniently, places the cranes around the launch vehicle in such a manner that it appears like Kali, the goddess of death. With all her arms spread out and spitting fire. The psychoanalysis of ISRO reveals that this arrangement of phallus like launch vehicle and Kali like contraption is the manifestation of the sick Hindu mind. A mind that wants to control the minorities, liberals, feminists, subalterns, Dalits, adivasis, Dravidians, Rahul Gandhi, NDTV and Sonu’s dad.

My detailed psychoanalysis of ISRO has exposed their agenda and their plans to force their majoritarian beliefs on millions of Indians. I call upon all Right right minded Indians to assemble at Jantar Mantar on 31^st June at 10 AM to protest against ISRO and its patriarchal and majoritarian project to take over India.

If you still haven’t realised this is a satirical piece, please get introduced to humour.